Big # 5...

5 years ago on Monday July 11, I became a mother. Amos Matthew came into the world, and MY world was never the same. It was a hard and long labor and delivery and once he finally arrived, I looked at him strangely...he was almost like an alien. I think about it this way...imagine yourself getting married. Even though you can't picture what the wedding day will bring, you can imagine and picture the characters. You can see your future spouse in your mind's eye when you think of the day. When you give birth, you can imagine what it will be like, but you cannot imagine what that child will look like. You are never ready until it's right there before your eyes. I was trying to place him in my mind, and it was nothing like I had imagined. But quickly, my heart melted and I fell in love. He was perfect. A pretty baby. He was a little high maintenance. :) Who knows if it was because I didn't know what the heck I was doing, but he seemed hard to please for the first 12 weeks.
He asked me on the morning of his birthday, "mom, now that I am 5, can I be big?" Meaning, can I do the things I wasn't able to do when I was 4. He seemed bothered that he wasn't visibly taller. He was quite worked up on the way to his party when he found out he couldn't shoot webs like Spiderman. (I tried, not so successfully, to stifle my laughter)
He was the guinea pig child. He still is. As he grows, we are trying to navigate this parental world and figure out what we feel is right for him. Dan and I take our experiences and memories, our morals and values and tweak it all for him. Who knows if we are right, thank the Lord for his grace! And we love him the best that we know how. Some days, it is not so good. Some days I feel okay, or even great about how is growing. Physically, we are so thankful for his health and adorableness :) Intellectually, we are amazed at how his brain is growing and learning everyday. Emotionally, I am impressed with his learning some empathy as he goes through life with his little sisters and peers. He is still fairly dramatic, thanks to his first-born place in the family, and perhaps some personality mixed in there. Some days I joke that I have 2 girls and a first-born! Spiritually, we are progressing. We are learning about God and Jesus and what that whole thing means to him. Easter this year was full of discussions and questions about what Jesus did on the cross.
What a wonderful responsibility parenthood is. Some days I really wonder if I am up for the challenge. I guess I have to trust that the Lord is present through it all and covers up my mistakes with his grace.
Happy Birthday Amos!